Posted by: charhoehn@gmail.com | January 19, 2010

Charlatans

I always stay up really late.  I like to work until awful hours of the night, and then watch a recorded episode of ‘Jersey Shore’ or ‘The Office’ to wind down before I go to sleep (watching guidos has a calming effect on me).  At 3:15am last night, my blood pressure instantly skyrocketed because right as I turned on the TV, this quote rattled out of Anthony Morrison during his infomercial:

A lot of people say to me… ‘What if I don’t want to spend any money to get started?  Is there any way I can get started and not spend money?’  And the answer to that is yes.  I have some techniques in this book that can show you how to advertise, drive traffic and customers to your website so you can make money without spending a single penny.

And one of those things is Twitter.  We hear about Twitter all the time, it’s everywhere you go, you see something about Twitter, right?  You can turn your Twitter account into an automatic machine that’s just driving traffic and customers to your website all day long.  Because there are millions of people on Twitter, right?  So it’s real easy to reach those people if you know the techniques.  And that’s exactly what I teach in this book.  Same thing with Facebook, Myspace, and everything else.

Anthony Morrison is lying.  Whatever positive takeaways his book might contain are negated by the statement in bold.  Anyone who has spent a decent chunk of time on Twitter can assure you that he is wrong.

Let’s set aside the ridiculous notion that it’s “easy” to reach millions of people on Twitter, and just focus on the assertion that you can make money through the site.  I know a few people who have tens of thousands of followers on Twitter.  I know one person who has almost a million followers.  None of them have ever claimed that Twitter is a good way to make money.  Why?  Because people do not use Twitter to help decide on what purchases to make.  They are not in a buyer’s state of mind, unlike when they’re using Google to find a solution to their problem and are much more likely to make a purchase.  Even if you’re posting affiliate links, the click-thru rate is going to be 10% at the very high end.  Conversion to sales?  Way lower.  Do the math, and you’ll find that it’s a waste of your time.

Not surprisingly, Anthony has just a little over a thousand followers… With that kind of following, it’s no wonder he’s rolling in profitable traffic!  Let’s follow his lead!  But first, let’s see if we can read some of his meaningless tweets without having a cerebral hemorrhage.

Look, I know there are always going to be con artists in every industry.  It’s a fact of life.  I try not to get mad about this stuff, but I can’t help it.  I hate seeing these jerks duping people into handing over three easy payments of $19.95 based on promises that I empirically know to be false.  Anthony is not the only guilty party; this has become a golden age for anyone with cursory knowledge of the internet to take advantage of the uninformed.

What’s most aggravating is that the internet truly has the potential to be something wonderful for so many individuals and companies.  With a lot of hard work, it can be a potent tool for earning trust, permission, love, and respect from all over the world…

But why nurture that potential when you can be making some fast and easy $$$?!!!

I’ve told several smaller companies that Twitter is little more than a fun distraction.  I’ve told them to shut down their Facebook accounts.  To focus on the few things that will help them accomplish their goals, and to ignore all the hype.  For many of them, social networks just don’t make much sense for their business.  But the temptation is too great, so they usually do all this stuff anyway.

If you really want to make $$$ on Twitter, follow this guy’s formula.  I guarantee you’ll get instant results.

Posted by: charhoehn@gmail.com | January 13, 2010

Anti-Anti-Wingman: Final installment

There’s a hot dog restaurant (not hot dog stand –  hot dog restaurant) about 10 minutes away from Wingman.  Hot dogs and brats are the only items on the menu, aside from the extensive list of toppings you can get.

According to my latest post, this restaurant is doing it right.  They should even be in the black!

Far from it.  They’re going out of business.

When they opened, I distinctly remember saying that it was a terrible idea, and there was no way they’d succeed.  There’s just no demand for hot dogs, unless you’re in a stadium or stumbling out of a bar.

Allow me to contradict myself: Being the only business in a category can certainly yield great results, but it is not a clear-cut recipe for success.  Nor does it mean that you can expect profits.

My last post was admittedly simplistic, and I was wrong.  The conclusion I came to clashes with countless examples of successful restaurants that don’t play by my rules.  Ryan Holiday rightfully called my wording and logic into question:

Charlie – Be serious. This fallacy has a number of different names, but it’s mostly just empty writing. You found a fun example. It something to think about. What it isn’t is a base of evidence use for generalization.

Frankly, 97 million dollars is a paltry number when you compare it to essentially every other restaurant in existence since no one else abides by this “rule.” Besides, what’s really going on here is a compromise between two important goals companies have – which are first to get customers through the door and second, to convert as much as possible once they are there. Simple, clear category differentiation is critical and that’s what only selling a single product can do. Adding additional items to the menu generates units-per-transaction which is an incredibly important metric as well. Why do restaurants serve desserts they don’t make themselves? The same reason the have a bar: the margins are better.

The fact of the matter is that these things are rarely as simple or clever or concise as the first impulse implies. In any case, it’s certainly “not more profitable to be the only one that does what you do” as many multi-billion dollars brands can attest. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn’t.

Quite a few of my peers and readers are pretty smart.  If I’m being a naive jackass, speak up in the comments.  That’s what they’re there for.

Or you can softly chuckle and let my foolishness go unchecked.

Posted by: charhoehn@gmail.com | January 12, 2010

The Anti-Wingman

Ryan Stephens directs our attention to Layne’s Chicken Fingers.  The description from their website:

Twelve years ago we started off as a small fast-food restaurant, in a dumpy looking building.  Today we are a thriving small business and one of the most popular places for Aggies to eat, in our same dumpy looking building.   Our tables and booths don’t exactly match, our landscaping looks terrible and our building is not exactly sturdy, but our chicken fingers are why people come.

Their menu?

  • Chicken Finger plate
  • Chicken Finger sandwich
  • Chicken Finger club sandwich
  • Grilled chicken sandwich
  • French fries
  • Potato salad
  • Texas toast

And if you think specialization is only a practice reserved for smaller restaurants, Jen points out Raising Cane’s.  From their Wikipedia page:

The restaurant offers fried chicken fingers as its only main course. Raising Cane’s total revenue in 2007 was $97.3 million.

Seems like it’s a lot more profitable* to be known as the only one that does what you do, rather than simply trying to be the best.

(Or it could just be the chicken fingers.)

*Note: “A lot more profitable” is wrong.  “Can be just as profitable” is a bit less simplistic.

Posted by: charhoehn@gmail.com | January 10, 2010

Ah, Wingman

There’s a restaurant I used to go to called Wingman.  As you can probably guess, they serve Buffalo wings… but they also serve:

  • Hamburgers
  • Hot dogs
  • Philly cheesesteaks
  • Grilled chicken
  • Chicken strips
  • Popcorn chicken
  • Potato salad
  • Macaroni salad
  • Coleslaw
  • Garden salad
  • Mac and cheese wedges
  • Jalapeno poppers
  • Cheese stix
  • Fried mushrooms
  • Fried zucchini
  • Funnel cake
  • Apple pie

But of course!  They’re called Wingman, so why wouldn’t they be serving fried zucchini?

“Oh they’ll come for the wings, but they’ll stay for the apple pie!”

This is obviously stupid just from a financial perspective, as they’re wasting money on ingredients they use for 10% of the orders.  And it slows down their order times drastically because new customers are suddenly overwhelmed with an abundance of choice that they didn’t expect (probably not a huge problem, as the place isn’t very popular).  But what aggravates me most is that THEY’RE CALLED WINGMAN, yet they serve uninteresting foods that have never been associated with wings.

“But Charlie, maybe they get orders for outdoor corporate events!  It’s always good to have potato salad at the company picnic, LOL!”

Of course they get bulk orders from time-to-time — all restaurants do — but that doesn’t mean they should accommodate every buyer’s random needs.  Just because some of your customers love apple pie, it doesn’t mean it should be on the menu.

Why are they even serving salads?  To accommodate vegetarians?  SCREW VEGETARIANS!  If you don’t eat meat, why the hell are you in a restaurant called Wingman?  Put up a big sign that says, “Want salad?  Go back to Whole Foods, hippie.”  Then pelt them with frozen chicken wings as they run out.

Nothing pisses me off more than a good product or service that gets completely diluted because the owners wanted to please everyone.

So polarize the crowd.  Instead of matching your competitors’ offerings, veer in a different direction that everyone else is too afraid of.  Stop adding, and start taking things away.  It’s far more interesting when choices are reduced, and people are excluded.

Source: GoComics.com

Posted by: charhoehn@gmail.com | January 7, 2010

Random thoughts from 2009

“I should probably post this before it loses relevance…

2009 was a whirlwind year for me.  The number of new experiences, places visited, and lessons learned makes my head hurt when I try to recount all of them. Nevertheless, I’m going to do my best to recall most of the good stuff (and a little of the bad), talk about a few personal milestones from last year, and hopefully cobble together some newfound wisdom I gained along the way.

  • Started my first “official” company. Quickly discovered that consulting is not really my wheel house.   As much as I like teaching and offering advice, I prefer DOING — having a greater degree of control and seeing the results from my efforts.  Also found that payment for consulting work is way too sporadic for my liking, unless you’re on retainer.
  • My favorite work routine. I did, however, find that I LOVE the work schedule that comes with being on tour.  Although it was exhausting and very demanding, I really enjoyed having to do the same process over and over but in different locations.  It was sort of like playing a sport: same exact routine everyday with the same team, but always a fresh and exciting experience.
  • Tons of new experiences. The number of things that I got to experience last year is almost overwhelming when I think about it.  Traveling in a tour bus across the country.  Helping out with the marketing for three best-selling books.  Becoming proficient in Final Cut Pro and learning high-end cameras. Writing my first e-book… Eh, I guess it’s not very overwhelming when I write it out like that.  [To-do for 2010: Work on sounding more impressive].
  • Video editing. All the hours I spent editing video… fairly staggering, relative to past experiences.  Hands down, the most footage I’ve edited in one year.  But I still dig it, and am excited to learn the rest of the creative suite.
  • Recession-Proof Graduate. The thing I’m most proud of from 2009.  When you combine Ramit’s and my Slideshare accounts, plus the number of people who downloaded the e-book from Ramit’s email list, it quickly adds up to more than 50,000 people having read RPGrad.  That is no small amount, and it still blows my mind.  Even though a lot of people enjoyed it, there were still a few pitfalls.  It kinda sucks being known as the guy who does free work, for instance.  I’ve had some people come to me, asking if I’d be willing to do MONTHS of work at no cost to them.  Sorry guys, it doesn’t work that way — I have to approach you first.
  • Learned A LOT about pricing. I can’t see myself ever working hourly rates again (unless it’s for a trial period, or I take on a part-time job for fun).  First off, I HATE keeping track of my time for someone else’s benefit, and I usually forget to do it.  Second, “hours worked” is not necessarily linked to quality or results.  Third (and most important), it doesn’t scale.  The ideal way to price your services is to have a flat rate, plus a scaling rate based on your results.  When you want a potential customer to buy your services, do not offer them just one rate, whether it be hourly or fixed.  Instead, offer them tiered-pricing: basic (low cost), middle, and premium (high cost).  This way, they aren’t deciding between “yes” or “no”; they’re deciding on which offer will be best for them.  They’re happy to have more choice, and you’re more likely to gain a new customer.  Pricing is both a measure of value and a barrier.  Use it to filter out the types of customers you want, and to turn away the ones you don’t.
  • Don’t fall in love with imaginary numbers. When you’re dealing with people who don’t have an extensive track record (see: first-time entrepreneurs), they offer percentages pretty frequently.  So it’s easy to think, “Oh dear god… if this thing does well, I’ll be making bank!”  Don’t be fooled.  There’s always a very decent chance it will never go big (or even fail completely), all while you’re being lulled along for countless hours of work by money that isn’t there.  I’ve had “equity” and certain percentages dangled in front of me a number of times now, and taken up several of them.  Some turned out okay, many didn’t pay off at all.  When you take on a project with an offer like this, just be sure you’ll gain something significant from it — skills, marketable experience, anything.  Otherwise, you’ll walk away empty-handed.
  • Measuring a person’s toxicity. One of my favorite things I read was on how to decide which of your friends, co-workers, clients, significant others, and even family members are toxic.  When you interact with that person, do they drain your energy, or do they rejuvenate it?  When you THINK of spending time with them, do you start feeling stressed and tired, or do you get excited?  Cut down your time with the people who drain you, and work on becoming a person who rejuvenates others.
  • The source > The numbers. Ad impressions mean nothing if the viewers aren’t conditioned and primed to buy.  An influx of traffic is worthless if it comes from a site with ADD readers.  What’s important is the quality of the source.  A thousand impressions on a site where readers have been conditioned to click and buy are far more valuable than a million impressions on a site where readers ignore the ads, even if the latter is much cheaper.  Having a thousand readers visit after an endorsement from Seth Godin is far more valuable than ten thousand visitors coming from Lifehacker.  Different audiences, different expectations.
  • I hate all social media experts. Even if you legitimately know what you’re talking about, I still hate you for the title you’ve given yourself.  You have the easiest job in the world, you’re overpaid, you have almost no experience, you get excited over things that are excruciatingly boring and inconsequential, and perhaps your greatest sin of all, you’re okay with feeding your clients garbage and making them think they need you. Shame on you if you’re extracting money from a small mom-and-pop company because you think they should have a “presence” on Twitter.  Get outside of your own heads and start thinking about how you can help clients accomplish their goals, you morons.
  • Anyone can mitigate their financial risks. I don’t think it’s smart to have one stream of income.  Even if you’re financially successful and have been with the same company for 25 years, all of it can be instantly taken away from you.  Set up an emergency account and start putting away a small amount of money each week.  Save up for 3-6 months of basic living expenses.  Then think about how you can earn extra income on the side (with your skills, setting up a side business, selling things on ebay, etc.) and start doing it!  You may scoff at this generic advice, but I’ll be damned if it’s not hugely important.  I’ve witnessed friends’ parents lose nearly everything at the brink of retirement, simply because they put all their eggs in one basket.
  • Plan ahead for fixed costs. In mid-2009, I was running low on funds and had hit a dry spell for work (i.e. no money coming in).  Then I received all of the following on the exact same day: a car insurance bill that I’d somehow forgotten was coming, an overdraft fee, attorney’s fees for paperwork on setting up an LLC, and a credit card bill.  The one that infuriated me was the car insurance, because I could have easily planned for it if I hadn’t been an idiot.  After that incident, I opened a sub-account and set up automated weekly savings for all the bills I knew were coming.  Problem solved.  So look at your big expenses from 2009.  Which ones can you expect again this year?  Divide by 52, then automatically set aside that amount each week.
  • The internet is an echo chamber. I’ve learned this firsthand twice, after Kottke randomly quoted one of my posts, and Seth wrote about RPGrad.  All of the sudden, EVERYONE was parroting versions of what they wrote.  It was extremely humbling, but also somewhat disturbing to see how many people just copy the influencers (and I’m referring to Kottke and Seth, not myself).
  • There is no “right” way. In spite of my incessant endorsements for doing free work, that’s just a tactic that’s worked well for me.  And while I think it’s very useful for anyone who’s just starting out, I’m biased: I defend it because it was the path I chose.  There were a lot of trade-offs that came with it, and sometimes it just flat out sucked.  But that kind of honesty doesn’t get anyone excited over an e-book, does it?  The truth is, I worked harder than most people to reach this point.  I made a ton of mistakes along the way, and could have easily taken several different paths that would have been immediately more lucrative but less fulfilling.  There is no right or wrong when it comes to your career; there is only what’s right for you.
  • How to succeed as an entrepreneur. I’ve effectively received a 1-year crash course in entrepreneurship, something my schooling didn’t really offer. I’ve done lots of research, had a decent amount of hands-on experience, and raised my standards with a few cool people who were willing to give me more control than I probably should have been allowed.  I’ve learned that becoming a successful entrepreneur is really hard, and I have immense respect for anyone who can pull it off.  But I’ve witnessed and studied the processes that successful entrepreneurs go through so many times that it finally clicked last year, and I know I’m capable of doing it on my own.  And that, I believe, will ultimately give me the freedom that I’ve been pursuing.
To my readers, including all of you new folks: it’s been great having you so far. I’ve immensely enjoyed interacting with you guys over the last year. You’ve all been incredibly supportive of a cocky kid you’ve never met.  Thanks so much, and I hope to continue giving you reasons to stick around.

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