The Apocalypse Begins Tomorrow

Dear Doomsdayers:

Tomorrow, the Illuminati and Bilderberg group will announce the apocalypse. All of your preparation will finally pay off as hell occupies earth for one week, and ends in rapture.

Oil fields will burn, crops will wither, and rivers will run dry. Chaos will ensue as transportation and food production comes to a halt. Grocery stores will be emptied, guns will be fired, stock markets will crash, and gold will soar to an all-time high. All media outlets will be used to spread fear, then the power will be shut off. Cell phones and the internet will no longer work. You will be on your own.

Your neighbors will pillage, holding you at gunpoint while they steal your food and trinkets. Police will freely employ brute force, imprisoning anyone who steps out of line. Governments around the world will deploy their weapons, citizens will be gunned down by drones, and major cities will be left in ruin.

Panic and distrust will take root in the ashes of fallen empires. Those who survive will be imprisoned by the New World Order. Every corruption and conspiracy will be fully exposed, and all of your suspicions — that the system is set to enslave you, and people are ultimately self-interested parasites — will be proven correct.

Strangely, you won’t feel fear or despair. You will feel relief and validation. Because a part of you wanted to see us fall. You wanted to see the world crumble to pieces, because it would confirm the frightening forecast you’d come to believe.

Most of all, it would justify the trade-off you’d made: to live your life in fear.

The end of the world would excuse you for never giving anything back, for not trying, for being too paralyzed to ever contribute anything meaningful. “If the whole exercise was futile and rigged from the beginning, what’s the point of playing?”

Well now everyone else can be fearful right along with you. You weren’t so crazy after all!

Of course, the end of the world should have never determined your strategy in the first place. Because all of your preparation — storing food, buying guns, exchanging money — will be in vain. It will never feel like you’ve done enough because nothing can ensure your survival; you will eventually die. You just want to die in less pain than everyone else.

There’s nothing wrong with being skeptical and planning for a long winter, but fear shouldn’t color your world and dictate your time. Preparing to be the best loser isn’t a strategy — your heart is already set on the worst outcome. In your endless search to discover what’s going to screw you over and ruin your life, you fail to see that it’s YOU, right now.

Societies are always rising and falling. If you say “the end is near” long enough, you’ll eventually be proven correct. But until the end of the world actually arrives, the event isn’t real. A truck could hit you today, and you would miss the apocalypse completely. All you have is this moment, which is your opportunity to solve a problem, to know yourself, to create, to love, to live. This opportunity will be with you for the rest of your life, no matter what the circumstances are.

And you can never embrace that until you confront yourself:

You’ve been too scared to try. The idea of the apocalypse was your excuse to give up before the game was over.